Saturday, January 14, 2012

Kaddish anxiety dream

Last night I had a strange dream.  I dreamed I was trying to get up some stairs at one of the shuls (synagogues) that I daven (pray) in.  There was a narrow staircase with objects hanging from the sides and from above that had pins sticking out.  I got stuck on one of the pins and couldn't move.  As I was desperately trying to free myself, I heard kaddish being recited upstairs in the shul.  I started to recite the prayer, but doubted that I was actually part of the minyan (quorum) needed to recite it.  Here I was, so close to getting inside the shul, but unable to be part of it, the result being I'd miss a kaddish.

Missing a kaddish is a big deal. So far I've only missed two, once because I came home too close to the Sabbath and missed the afternoon Mincha prayer just before Sabbath prayers had began and the other when I was traveling to visit my father.  I can't really explain why it's so important to me not to miss a kaddish, but it is, as my dream was apparently trying to tell me. 

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