Friday, August 3, 2012

Journey to Israel

Saying kaddish is not the equivalent of mourning.  It is an aspect of mourning, but it does not encompass the whole of it. Often times, kaddish is recited by rote. It's meaning is lost by reason of its frequency and repetitiveness.  In addition to the daily kaddishes, I have some concrete goals I'd like to accomplish during this kaddish year.

Even before my mother died, I began thinking of things I wanted to do in response to her death. One of those things was to spend time in Israel. I have a lot of family in Israel, including my aunt, my mother's surviving older sister. (A third sister, the oldest, died over 40 years ago of cancer.) Another goal, developed in my mind shortly after her death, is to put together some kind of publication of her writings that encapsulates her ideas on life and therapy. (See http://mykaddishyear.blogspot/2012/07/rememberence-project.html)

Two days ago I arrived in Israel. In addition to enjoying myself, visiting sites, shopping and attending my cousin's son's wedding (more about that in a future post), I want to spend time with my relatives who knew my mother. I need to be acknowledged in my new status as a motherless child by my cousins who lost their aunt. I hope to come back home with more stories about my mother, perhaps some more pictures, and to share my mourning with family here who loved her.

It's not easy to talk about loss. It's one of the most difficult topics to discuss. We'd rather talk about happier or more meaningless things. On this journey to Israel, I will at least try.

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