For my own sake, my father must live!

Of course, I want my father to live for many years to come.  But more, I need my father to live.  For my own selfish reasons, I can't have him die.  I told him so when I visited him last week.  I need him to recover from his broken hip and resume an independent life.  I know that a broken hip often marks the beginning of cascade of physical ailments that lead to death.   In my emotional state, I cannot deal with the death--or even any of the precursor ailments to death--of my one living parent.  I need this year to grieve for my mother.  I don't want this year of Kaddish for my mother to be clouded by concerns for my father's health.   I know it's not in my hands.  But I hope, I pray, that my father and my God will allow me the time and emotional space to come to terms with losing my mother.