Thursday, February 2, 2012
For my own sake, my father must live!
Of course, I want my father to live for many years to come. But more, I need my father to live. For my own selfish reasons, I can't have him die. I told him so when I visited him last week. I need him to recover from his broken hip and resume an independent life. I know that a broken hip often marks the beginning of cascade of physical ailments that lead to death. In my emotional state, I cannot deal with the death--or even any of the precursor ailments to death--of my one living parent. I need this year to grieve for my mother. I don't want this year of Kaddish for my mother to be clouded by concerns for my father's health. I know it's not in my hands. But I hope, I pray, that my father and my God will allow me the time and emotional space to come to terms with losing my mother.